Thursday, August 9, 2018

It's Only This Way for a While

Gone are the days of sipping a latte slowly because it’s too hot while reading a book, praying, writing in my journal, or simply sitting and thinking, focusing on each sip, each breath. Nowadays I have a latte, whether made at home, picked up on the go, or on the table at an intentional coffee date, and I inevitably take a few gulps once it’s even slightly close to being ready to drink and then it sits there until it’s hours later or I’m about to leave the coffee shop, and I gulp down the remaining half cup or more in it’s icy state so as to not waste it. 

That was today. I met my friend Rebecca for a coffee date since she just (finally) moved to Saskatoon and we hadn’t seen each other in quite some time, and I had Isabelle in tow. My time was spent stopping Belle from emptying the diaper bag (she really wanted to play with her cloth wipes on the floor of the coffee shop), or looking down at my feet where Belle was playing to make sure she wasn’t getting into anything while trying so hard to listen to Rebecca and be present to her. As we packed up to leave, I kind of felt like I hadn’t really been there. I was about to step away from the table, and I saw my cup, over half full. Grab, gulp, and off we went. 

This is life right now. It’s a little bit chaotic, it’s completely different in the tiniest of ways, and I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Gone are the days of to-do lists actually getting checked off (or even written down, for that matter), of leisurely getting ready, of moving to my own rhythm. Right now I can’t find the time to go through my wardrobe, or to paint my fingernails. I usually get ten minutes to get ready instead of forty-five. It takes about ten times longer to get out the door than it used to (I’m still getting used to this, so sorry if I’m late when meeting you!). Everything is different, and I love it. 

This is just a season. This is just for a time. It’s only going to be this way for awhile, and I want to cherish it all. I’m not spending my time getting ready, because my baby wanted to sit on my lap and was grabbing for the mascara wand (not yet, sweet girl; wait a few years). I’m not leisurely sipping my latte because my girl wants to play. I’m not painting my fingernails because even if I had the five minutes to paint them, my little girl would inevitably cry right when I finished and need me and guess what? My hands that would lovingly pick her up and stroke her cheek would be far better used than by sitting and waiting for the polish to dry. 

I definitely still need things for me, in order to be the best version of myself. But that really needs to be intentional. I don’t have the luxury to not know what really makes me thrive and just try out all the things. Gone with the superfluous, and in with the life-giving, soul-nourishing good.

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